


The Before and After

by Ash2411



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bellamy Blake - Freeform, Bellarke, Clarke Griffin - Freeform, F/M, Fluff, The 100 - Freeform, pre finale fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-04 14:52:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10993191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ash2411/pseuds/Ash2411
Summary: The Death Wave is coming and the remaining delinquents are ready to return the Ark. But as always, Bellamy is faced with a deadly decision. And Clarke is on the other end.





	The Before and After

**Author's Note:**

> This is probs all over the place. Please ignore any nonsense or errors...And enjoy!!

_I’ve never been away from Octavia this long,_ Bellamy thinks, looking at his feet. His boots are worn, the rubber pulling away from the leather, the soles thin. His shoes aren’t the only thing running thin. The irony is almost sickening. His stomach twists as we looks around at them all; Raven, limping around the lab; Monty helping her with last minute preparations; Harper hugging herself, watching Monty closely; Murphy sitting on a stool next to Emori, their hands clasped, looking solemn; Echo in a heap of furs on the floor, watching unfamiliar things transpire. But where’s Clarke?

Bellamy feels her eyes on him and he turns to look behind him. She’s standing in the glass room above, looking down at everyone from above. She looks so small and child-like. She’s only 18, he reminds himself. They make eye contact and he feels a pull behind his navel that he wishes he wouldn’t, but his feet are moving before his heart can decide, leaving muddy tracks on the transparent stairs.

The glass door breathes a sigh as he opens it. It falls closed behind him and Clarke turns around. Up close he can see the lines between her eyebrows, constant worry working away at her soft skin. Were those there when we landed?

“You okay?” Clarke asks.

Bellamy pretends to consider for a moment before saying, “I’m as okay as I can be when I’m about to get shot into space in a tiny rocket. But, at least I won’t be alone.”

Clarke gives Bellamy a weak smile and nods, looking away. “How’s Octavia?”

Bellamy sighs heavily. “She’s just glad we’re alive. She’s...she’s gonna be okay.”

“What about you?” Clarke asks.

“I told you-” Bellamy starts.

“Bell, I’m serious.” Clarke says stepping towards him.

“You always are.” Bellamy replies. His mind goes to their first days on the ground. He’d rather cut off his own hand than hurt Clarke. “I’m glad she’s safe. And she’s strong. She’s all grown up. She doesn’t need me anymore.”

“She’s always going to need you.” Clarke says. “She may not always see that, but it’s true. You’re her big brother.”

Bellamy clenches his jaw, thinking of Octavia’s voice coming through the speaker before he was cut away from her.

Clarke sits down in one of the chairs away from the window. Bellamy decides not to sit; if he does, he may never get up again.

“Clarke, what’s wrong?” Bellamy asks. The creases between her eyebrows deepen as she looks up at him.

“I shouldn’t be getting on that rocket.” She says lowly, not meeting his eyes.

“What’re you talking about?” His stomach turns uneasily.

“You know there’s barely enough room in there.”

“We’ll make room-”

“Bell, I’m not as useful as the rest of you. You won’t need me up there-”

“Clarke, you’re not useless-” Bellamy says, shaking his head fervently.

“I don’t deserve to be there!” Clarke exclaims, a sob choking it’s way up her throat.   
  
Bellamy stares at her, his heart hammering. _No. Please don’t do this. Don’t say that. Don’t give up. Don’t leave me alone._ He kneels in front of her, looking up into her face. Tear tracks stain her rosy cheeks and her lips tremble. The urge to gently run his thumb over them makes his palms tingle.

“Don’t say that.” Bellamy breathes. He tentatively reaches out and rests his hand on her arm, rubbing circles into the rubbery fabric of her hazmat suit. The barriers between them feel so expansive, a constant ocean between them. “You can’t check out when things get hard. You don’t have to do all of this on your own. You don’t have to save the human race on your own. When are you going to understand that? We’re about to go into space where we will be tested for the next five years. We need you, Clarke. Now more than ever.”

“Bell…” Clarke breathes.

Bellamy looks into her vibrant blue eyes. Tell her, he thinks, but the words get stuck beneath his tongue and dissolve. He takes a deep breath and decides to tell her one part of his truth. “I need you.”

Clarke closes her eyes and tears fall from beneath her eyelashes. Her fingers squeeze his.

A few seconds pass and they stand, Clarke drifting towards the windows again. Bellamy stares at her back, wanting to say or do something, anything to make this seem less terrifying. But, there is nothing to say or do anymore. This is terrifying. There are no levers to pull this time. There is no overcoming the death wave. They are on the fringes of life, clinging to their last chance at survival.

Footsteps sound on the stairway and the door flies open. It’s Monty.

“It’s time. Now or never.” He says. Then he’s out the door and down the steps.

Clarke turns around and meets Bellamy’s eyes. “I’m scared.” She admits, voice trembling.

Bellamy doesn’t hesitate this time. He crosses the space between them and wraps his arms around her shoulders. Clarke is surprised. It’s been a long time since anyone other than her mother has held her like this. She settles into Bellamy’s arms, listening to his heart beat rapidly in his chest, feeling the tension in his back muscles beneath her hands as she wraps her arms around him…

“It’s gonna be okay.” Bellamy says, not knowing if it’s a lie or not.

Clarke snuggles into his chest, his chin on top of her head. “If I’m on that ship, you’re on that ship.” Clarke intones. Bellamy feels the vibration of her words in his ribcage and closes his eyes. He squeezes her tightly before gently pulling away.

“Come on. You heard him. Now or never.” Bellamy says with a half smile.

Time moves so fast. Minutes feel like seconds, the countdown flashing in their field of vision, a constant reminder of the urgency with which they all must move. 10 minutes.

“Okay, guys.” Raven shouts. “Suits on!”

Bellamy nods at Clarke and they both slip their helmets over their heads, securing the seal.

“Turn on the oxygen right before we take off! Not before. We want to conserve as much oxygen as possible.” Monty says.

Then 8 of them are scrambling onto the rocket, struggling to fit into the small space, sitting on one another’s laps. Raven takes her place in the cockpit, strapping herself in. She says something witty, but Bellamy doesn’t hear it. He’s too busy looking at Clarke. She’s sitting next to him and he can see her hands shaking.

The door shuts with a hiss, sealing them inside.

His reaches out to take Clarke’s hand in his.

Raven flips switches swiftly.

  
_Seven minutes._

A loud noise sounds before Bellamy’s hand reaches Clarke’s. All of them look up at Raven.

“Fuck!” She screams. “Fuck. No no no! Don’t do this to me.”

“Raven!” Clarke says sharply. “What’s going on?”

“It’s not gonna take off.” She says without looking at anyone. “It’s not going to let me launch from in here. The exterior sensors know the wave is coming. The radiation levels have risen high enough to activate the automatic safety lock. 

“What do you mean ‘launch from in here’?” Clarke asks quickly.

“There’s a manual launch option.” Raven says. “Out there. But, there’s no way we can launch it and still get back to the rocket before the door seals itself and the damn thing takes off.”

“I can.” Bellamy interjects.

Everyone turns and looks at him.

“No-” Clarke starts.

“What does it look like? What do I do?” Bellamy says, looking at Raven.

“On the main console, there’s a keypad. Type in the launch code on the screen, pull the lever and wait for the light to turn green. Lift off.”

“No problem.”

“You’ve got 6 seconds to get back here, Bellamy. Move fast.”

“Bellamy-” Clarke says, attempting to stand, but Bellamy throws his arm out in front of her.

“I’ve got this. 6 seconds, Clarke.” Bellamy says with a grin. “It’s okay.”

Before she can reply he’s out of the ship and skidding across the floor towards the console. His fingers fumble with the controls, but he gets the code in and pulls the launch lever towards himself. _Easy as breathing_ he tells himself.

Bellamy sprints towards the rocket, but the door isn’t closing. He skids to a stop and looks behind him. The light is still red.

“Bellamy!” Clarke yells. He can see her in the opening, looking out at him, her hand reaching helplessly.

“Get inside!” He replies.

“Bellamy, we don’t have time!” Raven says into his com. "Hurry!" 

“Light’s red.”

Here's a millisecond of silence before Raven says, “I’m on my way.”

_5 minutes._

“Raven we don’t have time! I’ve got this.” He breathes.

“Bellamy…”

He can hear it in her voice. She knows what he’s going to do. Before she can stop him he says, “If it were Finn, you’d do the same thing.”

“Bellamy, come on.” Raven says, her voice quivering.

“What is it?” Clarke interjects.

“Raven, if it were Finn in there and you out here…”

“Yeah.” Raven replies, her voice thick. “Yes.”

“Keep her safe.” Bellamy says.

Clarke understands now. She knows. “Bellamy, no!”

Before she jumps out of the door, Murphy’s arms encircle Clarke and pull her inside. Bellamy frantically searches the screen until he finds the safety setting and flips a switch to turn off the spring loaded mechanism that stops the door from slamming shut. He can hear Clarke screaming from inside.Then he throws all of his weight onto the little lever that will save their lives until it sticks. The door slams shut and seals itself in place. Bellamy tries not to think about the physical struggle Clarke is putting up inside.

He pulls his helmet off, his curls falling down into his eyes. Sweat trickles down his temples. He feels oddly at peace with this decision. If he’s going to die, it might as well be saving the only person he’s ever truly been in love with.

Clarke’s face shows at the round window in the rocket. She says his name and although he can’t hear her, he swears he can feel her voice in his ribs again. He picks up one of the headsets and flips it on, walking up the little steps until he’s less than a foot away from her. Suddenly, there are no expansive oceans between them. Just a door.

Clarke yanks off her helmet and puts Raven’s headset on. “Bellamy!”

“It’s okay, Clarke-”

“Bell, what’re you doing?”

“Keeping you alive.”

“Then get inside." She cries.

“You’re going to be okay.”

“I don’t want to be. Not without you.”

“Clarke, please, listen to me-”

“Please come inside.” Clarke begs. He can see her shaking, tears sliding down her cheeks.

He recognizes his own words coming back to him in her voice. It takes everything he has not to open the door and throw his arms around her again. His hand comes up to rest against the glass, desperate to be as close to her as possible. Not being able to comfort her feels like it will kill him long before the radiation.

“Hey, hey...I promise you, it’ll be okay. You’ll be okay.”

“Bellamy, please don’t.”

“Promise me, you’ll keep living. Live until you’re a hundred years old and they’re writing stories about the girl who saved the world after she carried it on her shoulders.” Bellamy says softly, his vision blurring. He blinks and feels tears cascade down his cheeks.

“You promised me.” Clarke says, fighting the urge to sink to the floor. She wants to look at him forever; she wants to memorize his face. “If I live, you live. If you die, I die.”

“You took a gamble when you decided to trust me.” Bellamy says, smiling through his tears.

“It was the best decision I ever made.” She responds.

Bellamy nods, never breaking his gaze. “Clarke, I know you already know, but I need to say it.”

Clarke shakes her head. “You can tell me when I see you again.”

Bellamy smiles. “I love you, Clarke Griffin.”

A sob escapes Clarke’s chest and she leans her head against the window. Bellamy rests his forehead against the glass and waits for her to look up at him. There’s nothing more he can say. He belongs to her and she to him. And now it’s over.

“May We Meet Again, Princess.” He whispers to her, a lullaby in her ears.

“I-I-I love y-you too.” Clarke says through her tears, her teeth chattering, body shaking

He looks at her one last time then he’s backing away and the steel curtain is moving into place. He watches her until the doors are closed.

_1 minute_.

He doesn't bother putting his helmet back on. He wants to breathe in what's left of earth’s clean air if it's going to be his last.

_45 seconds._

Bellamy takes his hazmat suit off as a robotic voice tells him how long he has to live.

_30 seconds._

He can't find it in himself to be angry. The people he loves are safe and alive...for now. And that's the most he can ask for. Bellamy ascends the glass stairs towards the little room where he'd comforted Clarke mere moments ago. Weirdly enough, he smiles. This room feels different now.

_10 seconds._

**_I love you_**.

The before and after.

The after feels so much sweeter.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
